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Crushed - Drift 1 - Pas de Deux by Proximity Rating - NC17 for sexuality Author's Note - I was inspired to write this drift when my beta questioned Subaru's past experience and I realized that I had it all worked out in my head but not on paper. This was secondarialy inspired by the song following the fic. The parts of the song that I felt were relevant will appear in the fic. + indicates thought+
In the aftermath of his would be lover's murderous acts and betrayal, Subaru made some life choices and racked up some experience that he might have been able to do without. Or maybe not. Maybe it was the only thing that brought him through alive.
:thump: :thump: :thump: The snow always did remind him of Seishirou.
:thump: :thump: :thump: A very pretty face. "I like your shoes." A voice, ... and a stranger's face to match its unfamiliar tones. Well that was a new one. "Thanks." "What?" and the strange man took the excuse to lean his head closer.
Oh yeah, in the intervening time, Subaru had firmly confirmed himself as .. yes, gay. "Thanks. Can I follow you?" Thrilled. Obviously. And this almost disgusted Subaru. He didn't want to be wanted. He didn't want to see desire in the faces of the men he slept with, he wanted something else, something ... carnal. Or possibly abusive. He wanted them to erase the cruelty of his memories with more cruelty, the only thing he new. As his life was harsh cold and composed so he wished his forays into the world of casual sex to be. But the stranger's face soon lapsed into simple hunger. And hunger Subaru could understand. How long had he himself gone hungry? "Sure. Wanna get out of here?" "Not yet." First he had to let himself go. Not the restraints he had on himself, but his true self, he had to let it go. Had to wash it out of him, cleanse and purge it from his body in a hot sweat built of thundering beats and endlessly interchanging patterns of feet and hands. He put the blame on not wanting to be easy, but the truth was that he was easy. Easy as banana cream pie. But nowhere near as sweet. Subaru had found that his .. interludes .. tended to go more smoothly if he entered them with his brain blitzed out and his body exhausted. Inside now. "Can I buy you a drink" "No. You?" "Sure." And a bartender (shirtless and built) was beckoned over and something nameless ordered. Something hard .. possibly the alcohol did the same for the stranger as the club did for Subaru, but he didn't care to think about it. If the man wanted a drink, let him have a drink, it was none of his concern. Out on the floor. The heat hit him first, it always did. Followed shortly by the vibrations of the beats throughout his body, first hitting one level then another. Beats echoing in his chest, stomach, groin. Then down his legs and into the very floor. The moving bodies gyrating in perfect tempo, all a mass, no people to be picked out, only a giant body, one that he could go inside and make his own, to forget the cares of his own flesh. To exhaust himself he would become one with them. The stranger followed. Eye contact, then a drift away, then contact again. Hands barely brushing. A dance woven of two people, a pas de deux of hot skin and salt of sweat The moistening of lips with the tip of a tongue. And on into the night. Until... So it's up the stairs and out of view, no prying eyes as shirts are stripped from dampened backs, and fingers deftly grasp at belts. A break. Panting for a moment, and again eyecontact. Guess who looks away first. He didn't hold eye contact anymore, too personal. And this was an impersonal act. The most impersonal of acts. The stranger left for a moment opening a refrigerator behind the bar. A nice city loft. Never to be seen again. One of a hundred. "Want a drink" What was he, and alcoholic? "No. .. Thanks" The stranger came back with a beer dripping condensation to hard wood floor boards. Lead Subaru to a couch. "What's your name" "What's the time?" An avoidance, one of a hundred. The stranger realized that talking was not an option, and after only a couple sips he set the drink aside, and turned again to his prey. "It's 2 o'clock." The club is closed, and up the block a second pas de deux begins. The stranger's hands on Subaru's skin. He could feel himself pressing hard against the intruding jeans. His tongue in Subaru's mouth ... Subaru trying to keep the words from coming out. Who would care to know who else may have been "the stranger" before. Still on the couch, Subaru broke off a heated kiss, and moved to straddle the other man. Knees on either side of his hips, pressing up against one another through pants yet to be removed they both breathed hard for a moment. Again the eye contact. Again its breaking. +I want a lover I don't have to love. I want a boy who's too sad to give a fuck+ Subaru willed the thought, or at least its impression to make its way into the stranger's mind, and apparently it did, because instead of trying to talk again, the larger man reached up an arm and, casually pulled Subaru's lips back to his by means of pressure on the back of his neck. Subaru let the stranger hold him there for a moment. As it became clear that Subaru was not going anywhere the other man let his other hand join the first in an exploration of Subaru's hair. Still damp from the club ... he trailed his touch to shoulders that had filled out in the intervening years of growth. No longer a boy. As the stranger slid his fingers further down, Subaru employed his own hands to deftly begin the complicated process of undoing the stranger's pants. Fingers found their way to his ribcage, rubbing harder; feeling the outline of each bone as it made its impression from beneath on a too thin frame. When the man's hands reached his hips, Subaru shifted his weight forward, rubbing up against the erection of the man bellow him. Before pulling away and standing in front of his catch for the evening. As he stripped off his pants, Subaru looked at the other man and willed his heart to feel something. Just one small jump from inside would make this so much easier. But nothing was there. So he squinted and pretended that one of the strangers eyes was but a glass, broadened the shoulders, darkened the hair ... glasses .. Now naked, Subaru reached for his partner's pants, and the man obligingly rose his hips so that his pants could be eased off, and himself exposed. Once the man was naked, Subaru roughly pulled him off the couch by the shoulders, and lead the way into a door he suspected led to the bedroom. Upon entering the room the stranger closed the door (what a strange gesture it wasn't as if there were anyone else in the loft). And then he became the more aggressive of the two and Subaru became once again his cold and composed, passive self. Again initiating a kiss the other man moved Subaru towards the bed. As he did this, Subaru's mind went dark. It always did before such acts. He thought, of all things, of where his car was parked. He believed he had forgotten. +I'll just take the train+ Two bad actors with bad habits, just playing tragic, they fell backwards onto the bed, stranger atop Sumeragi. Somewhere in the background the phone was ringing. +Let's just keep touching. Let's just keep ... touching.+ At the sound of the phone the stranger lifted his head, and seemed to actually be considering answering it. Subaru took this opportunity to scootch himself farther onto the bed, and tuck his knees up, fully exposing himself to the other man. Temptation is an awful thing. The stranger stared a moment and then fell on him. No real foreplay. Subaru grasped the stranger's erection in his hand and whispered something about lubricant. And a squeeze bottle and a condom mysteriously appeared from somewhere inane like a bedside table. Not liking to deal with the technicalities of sex, Subaru laid back and let the other man conduct the business of the affair for a quiet moment. Again thoughts of Seishirou. The stranger slid back up Subaru's body, pulling his hands from his sides, one by one, and lifting them above his head, he firmly held Subaru down to the bed. Subaru let a moan escape his heretofore closed lips, that was the sort of thing people liked to hear, wasn't it? The stranger took the opportunity to lick his way up Subaru's long neck, stopping at the junction of jaw and throat to suck, and then before leaving a mark on so perfect a canvas, he let his teeth gently touch the skin he found beneath them. As his teeth touched Subaru's skin, Subaru was gone again. The stranger's hand made its way between Subaru's already parted thighs, to touch his arousal. Subaru responded by widening his legs and wrapping them around the other man's back. Slick fingers found their way further through course hair and soft flesh, until they came to what they sought. The tip of one finger entered, and politely waited a moment, before rotating, and then sliding further inside to a place where flesh felt like velveteen, and its distance from the spot inside Subaru became naught, and the smaller man shuddered. The stranger continued to stroke the prostate for a moment. As Subaru became harder and harder yet a second damp finger was added to the first, and both moved in a beckoning motion, the longer of the two pressing against all the right places. The fingers moved in a scissors motion, stretching Subaru's entrance so that it could accommodate something larger. The addition of a third finger, briefly, and Subaru close to orgasm. Then all fingers were withdrawn and the stranger brought his hand back up to join the other holding Subaru's arms above his head. Again the damned eye contact. Subaru let his lids slide shut and lie against one another as he turned his head to the side and breathed harder. He could feel the stranger against his opening. And he could feel him slowly push inside. Subaru moved his hips forward in a small thrust, deepening the contact, and sighed into the relative quiet of the dark room. The stranger's breath caught at this action, and then he released it, as he withdrew ever so slightly and then again moved more deeply within the beautiful man bellow him. The pace quickened, and with each thrust Subaru could feel the heat of orgasm build inside him. From the stranger's face and the sounds he was making Subaru didn't think he could last long. And sure enough, one of his hands descended down his body and grabbed hold of Subaru, beginning a pumping motion as their bodies ground together. Two swift inhalations, and Subaru could feel the tightening of muscles in the stranger's abdomen. And he bowed his head and clenched his eyes through his orgasm. His hand had stopped on Subaru's erection, and the lack of stimulation was almost painful when he was so close to coming. Subaru extricated a hand from the other man's faltering grasp above his hand, bringing it down to jerk himself off to closure. The stranger collapsed partially over Subaru. And they both caught their breath. "What's the time?" "Almost 3 o'clock." "That was great" +I want a lover I don't have to love. I want a boy who is so drunk that he doesn't talk+ "mmmm .. I have to go." And Subaru shortly got up leaving the stranger to fall asleep in his bed. Collected his clothes from around the loft, dressed and walked out to the street. Sweet swiftly cooled to chill him in the cold of an early November morning. +I need some meaning I can memorize. The kind I have always seems to slip my mind+ Cold and composed he walked to the club, now deserted, and backtracked his way to his car. +you, you can say such pretty words, but life's no storybook, love's an excuse to get hurt, and to hurt. ... Do you like to hurt, Seishirou-san?+ I do. I do. The words echoed in his head .. +The hurt me. Then hurt me. Then hurt me.+ +Come on Seishirou-san, then hurt me.+ And his thoughts like his image faded into the cold of the darkness and the light of street lamps in the snow.
BRIGHT EYES
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